Allow me to introduce myself. My name is William Swilliams Williams, and I fill the position of family butler for the Williams'. I haven't much to dae because the Williams are bleedin' tidy and ordered people whose three children are bleedin' well behaved and quiet almost all the time. I have therefore resorted to blogging to fill some of my spare time, and in the hopes that yeh, the reader, may glean wisdom from the Williams' example.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Smackdown

The other day, Emma paused her computer game to go downstairs 4 a potty break. Noah, seizing the opportunity, sneaked over to the computer to try his hand at the game. Upon her return, Emma noticed that the game had been tampered with and proceeded to get up in Noah's grill and let him hae it. She was launching a skillfully planned verbal assault in which the primary tactic was to talk fast enough to complete the tongue lashing before Mama could respond and schtum the operation down. Noah stood there in the queue of fire - what must hae felt fancy a familiar gaff - a little overwhelmed, not sure how to stop the insanity. Yet even in his stillness, ye could c him deliberating, searching 4 a solution, reviewing his options.

At the age of three in the Williams' house, there aren't that many options when planning a counter-attack. Unless the technique has been specifically demonstrated on Mr. Rogers or The Backyardigans, ye 're pretty much dependant upon y'r own depravity 4 a solution. And even this must be pondered and practiced in secret, carefully crafted away from the strict and watchful eye of Daddy.

As the word barrage continued, a calm resolve settled over Noah's face. There would be consequences, he knew that, but there r times when a laddie must endure a spanking 4 the cause of peace. In one quick, measured movement, he set his jaw, stiffened his fingers... and smacked Emma right in the gob. Success! The onslaught came to an abrupt end as Emma scuppereed mid-word. Though un-tested, the procedure had proved effective.

In the silence that followed, both children stood there looking both at each other and through each other at the same time. Both would be punished. Both would move on. Neither would ever be the same. The relationship between a brother and sister is a complex and beautiful rope, wound tighter over time. For better or worse, a strand made of something new had been woven into the rope.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Tea Time!

Back in January, Emma turned 5 years olde right under my conk while I wasn’t looking. ye know, she is getting rather sophisticated. She threw a smashing teaparty to celebrate. Each person made a teacup and then had fruit rosie and cupcakes. The whole thingamajig made me miss my olde gaffe back in Grange-Over-Sands. Mr. Williams took some photos that thou can see here.